I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
