they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
And then my night got REAL pukey
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
