RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
