dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
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she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
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Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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