Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
