I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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