Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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