The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
