Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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