im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
