I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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