I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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