just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
