I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
