I wish my penis had an off switch
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i will never coherently bang her
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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