He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
