i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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