Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
