Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
