I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize