Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Randomize
