just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
so let's talk penis.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
