now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize