My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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