what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
