he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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