Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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