people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
