Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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