I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He did a backflip because drugs
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