The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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