Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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