so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
