In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
