I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
