I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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