Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
