if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
