You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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