i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
How does one acquire holy water?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
