Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
