omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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