Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
that is very illegal...i love you.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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