Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
