he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize