I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
