broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
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Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
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Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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