nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize