Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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