eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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