i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
