from now on my penis is your penis
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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