Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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