I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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