probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
