I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
