Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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