I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
