I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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