you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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