so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
