Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
