I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
