Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
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It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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